by E. Thomson

Israel Identity research has given us amazing, fabulous and even incredible ways of dealing with suppositions, factoids, delusions, hoaxes and a veritable panoply of pseudo-historical phantasmagoria. Using such 'research techniques' and methodology to 'prove' that Whites are "the true-jews" opens to us a universe of possibilities, of which I now offer but one: In previous centuries, some of my ancestors passed through New York City, which we all know was originally New Amsterdam. Since many of them crossed over water to arrive, they automatically changed their nationality, from being Scottish-Norwegians to Dutch, even though New Amsterdam was then under British or United States government. This process of identity change had previously occurred when Germans took boat rides from Germany to Britain, crossing that magical body of water called The English Channel. Thus it is that our 'promised land' has become New Amsterdam, with its holiest site: Harlem, a name which will send shivers and thrills coursing through the body of every True Dutchman.

Obviously, so great a truth could only be suppressed by the concerted efforts of all the media of education, information and entertainment, so I now pass on to you (you lucky people) the results of my research, inspiration and revelations vouchsafed me directly by The Great Sky-Burgher, Himself, whose last earthly incarnation was as His Son, Peter Stuyvesant. Don't ask me how a son could be his own father. It's happened before, according to many religious quacks. Maybe we'll get the explanation at The Second Coming.

Following the British invasion of New Amsterdam, the Dutch tribes were driven away from Holy Harlem, into the Diaspora. In typical Dutch fashion, we all forgot our language, our religion, and our Dutch origins. Some of us began to think of ourselves as Injuns, Mexicans, Japs, Chinks or even lowly Honkies. We had cut ourselves off from our Holy Harlem Heritage. But worst of all, Black Africans came to occupy our sacred Dutch homeland. They adopted our ways, our religion, our music; even our fashions. They then stole our language, the True Tongue of all True Dutchmen: Ebonics! That fake Dutchman, Louis Farrakhan, stole our True Dutch Faith: Dutch Islam. For this sin, he has obviously earned himself a very hot place at the Holland Furnace Company.

To all my fellow True Dutchmen, I say, whenever you watch your Amos 'n' Andy reruns: Remember to turn up the brightness so as to bleach out those impostors' black faces, and repeat our people's fervent prayer: Next Year in Harlem!