All rise, for history;Para
We say he or she "passed the bar" but few know what ‘passing the bar’ means or where it originated.
Passing the bar was one of a long line of very special privileges that lawyers have managed to grant to themselves. During the Peasant’s Rebellion, (of the which more will be said) lawyers had offices in London between Fleet Street and the Thames River which was near Westminster were they did their dirty work. In order to reach the Royal City Court they had to pass through a gate called the Barriere du Temple.
Would it surprise you to know that everybody paid a toll except, you guessed it, the lawyer?
So, they passed the ‘barrier’ and from this we get the word ‘barrister’, bar, passing the bar, bar associations, etc.
Note – Forgive me, dear friends, but I can not contain meself. I must digress to tell you that I liked Ruth Bader Ginsburg much more when she was Ruth Bussey on TV’s ‘Laugh in’ than I like her on the Supreme Court.
Notwithstanding, back to 1381 in London and the massive influx of lawyers, lawyers on the left, lawyers on the right and stuck in the middle were the common people and a leader named Walt the tiler or Walter Tyler.
Well, well, lawyers, like snakes, did what lawyers do. Snakes bite you that is what snakes do and what these reptile lawyers were doing then, as now, was far more damaging than a snake bite.
A certain other in-group had been expelled from England but not before the lawyers had learned from them some very vile practices. Paramount, among their offenses was rules regarding the collection of taxes.
Now comes, John of Deptford, he had a daughter whom he said was under the taxable age of fifteen years. Ah but yes! The lawyers had the answer and as the overzealous lawyer/tax-collector raised the girl’s dress old John knocked the dog excrement out of him!
You have heard it said "whatever the law allows", well, what the law allowed was for the tax man to inspect for pubic hairs and check to see if the girl had engaged in sexual intercourse, as an aid to determining her tax status.
Then came Walter Tyler and together with old John and hundreds of common, sick and tired, people they set about beheading lawyers and sticking the heads on long poles along the roads.
Walter Tyler lasted only eight days but, by god, it was a fun eight days.
Jesus said "woe to the lawyers" and afterwards He didn’t last much longer.
In Shakespeare’s Henry VI, we find Jack Cade, Dick the butcher and a band of common people, sick and tired of being sick and tired of lawyers, and Dick says; "The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers."
And so it goes, and so it has gone. The only question is one of time. How long before the suffering again becomes insufferable?
All rise, for the unfunny.
Abstract justice is and has always been, of course, impossible. Law is merely the expression of the will of the strongest for the time being, and therefore laws have no fixity, but shift about with each new crop of lawyers.
After these damnable three weeks, unless you were comatose or were abducted by aliens, you must surely realize that lawyers and not elected representatives control our lives. They have a monopoly, a charter, issued them by other lawyers. Judges are just lawyers and whether state or federal lawyers are lawyers.
All Rise, for the funny.
So, what does one do when a situation is so ludicrous, so convoluted, so unbelievable, so far removed from the realm of human imagination, that it defies explanation?
Well, I’m glad you asked. The first thing you do is find a good, straight-talking, slow-walking, Gut-writer, someone who will walk you through the maze.
And the first thing a good Gut-writer should do is to blame God for the unexplainable. Dear hearts, what we have here is another example of God’s marvelous sense of humor.
God and me had a good laugh when Harry Yacob hired a shyster named Richman? Who the hell is in charge of casting, a rich Jew’s lawyer named Richman?
And then there are the names of the two judges, Lewis and Clark, begorra! Only God could arrange for a Lewis and a Clark to stumble into this intellectual wilderness.
Surely, you had to grin along with God and me as the Florida House of Representatives gave ‘stand-up comedy’ a new definition. We watched in disbelief as they stood and placed their hands over their little hearts and each with a straight face repeated "… and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible…"
The TV talking-heads, the affirmative-action-African-queen judge Nikki, with her ‘new do’ and hairdresser standing by, the goggle- eyed ballot reader and Ms. Gunzburger, the jangled-jowled Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, old rich Jews, (remember a handful of Palm Beach Jews started all this) crying all over their limo seats because they thought they may have voted for Buchanan, George Bush choosing an affirmative-action mulatto, who is fluent in Yiddish, for his State Department and a Jew for Press Secretary and a quadroon for Commerce, while Kweisi Mfume and hundreds of hit-squad, junk-yard, Dershowitz type, Jew lawyers combined their talents to destroy him.
And if this nation survives a thousand years, which it won’t, of course, there will never be a more laughable court than the ‘supremes’ both state and federal.
Enough! Brothers and sisters, this is Divine comedy, at it’s very best! God is laughing at us all or is He trying to tell us something?
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